Remember that post I wrote about victory? Well at tis moment I feel like it was such a sham to write it.
Just recently I made an enormous, unintentional mistake that's costing me a lot right now. I didn't realize how deep I was until this afternoon. It's like i've taken ten steps back into the person i used to be. I am shamed. I want nothing more then to go back in time and reset what was done. Warn myself that something terrible will happen if I don't open my eyes to what's going on. So here I am with a huge headache brought about by hours of crying and a heart so heavy and full it feels like it's going to burst out of my skin. It's one of those times when everything is broke. I just need Jesus. I need His blood to wash over my thoughtlessness and pride. I need a new mind, a new spirit a new being. I need to be who God intends me to be, not this silly, self-centered, childish girl! Jesus' blood is the only way. It's the only thing that keeps me standing and I plead it over everything I am! It's too bad that I'm having to go through this pain in order to see what my heart was really made of.
A word from proverbs comes to my mind right now. "Don't be like the mule who has to be taught by bit and bridle." Unfortunately this is what it's come to. I've been stubborn to change my ways like a mule is to revert from his path. Anyways I know that this time is already working powerful things in my heart. I feel broken, but the light is making it's way through the cracks. God is good.
Sincerely,
Jaelle the Broken
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