Loving With Strings Attached

The other day I was truly offended. When I tried to talk to someone I got little less then a grunt in response, they didn't even look up from the phone they were texting with. I ended up just walking away, bewildered and hurt. I harbored up in my room that night feeling absolutely worthless. I hate it when I feel on the outside of peoples worlds. Like a traveler sailing around an island with impossible rocky cliffs, all it seems they can do is drift. I started harboring some pretty bitter feelings. Then I asked God and searched for Him. "God why do I feel this way? It's not right." He answered with this phrase, "It's ok to love people and not receive love back." Right after this revelation came to me I felt myself flooded with feelings of compassion and love for this person. I felt like no matter how many times they ignore me it wouldn't hurt at all because I have the freedom to love people without needing to be loved in return! It's ok, I didn't need their affirmation, all I need is a refilling of the love of God to wash over me so that I can continue to love like He does.

Then I wondered, "Does the love I give come with strings attached?" Have I been loving people for the sake of retrieving their love in return? Have I been selfishly doling out gifts because I expect to receive them back? I realize I was only offended because I was loving with strings attached, it was a self-satisfying, self-seeking love that lives only for itself. That kind of love doesn't risk anything because it's purpose is to create a cycle where as soon as it's given it comes right back. I'm glad that person ignored me now. If this is true then I haven't been really loving people. Real love gives without asking, does without needing and I have had the gaul to hoard it for only the ones who I will give it back. I cannot live this way! Indeed no one can live this way. Love should be free to fly or rest it's wings on weathered shoulders. Whether or not it finds a home amidst tremored heartstrings it's always there, ready to move in when the time is right.

That's not to say that I'll just cast my love in every direction. No there is a purpose and a mystery to loving people. That is to say I'll love everyone with that uncommon, Godly love but there is a depth to it that I'll keep locked away for awhile, saved for specific people who God has called to be apart of my future.

So anyways that's my rant :)

"I swear it's You that I've waited for.
I swear it's You that my heart beats for.
And it ain't gonna stop.
No it just won't stop"

;)