Update

It's been a long while so I'm sure hardly anyone, id be happy if one person, will read this.

I am in MC's
My relationship with the Lord has dramatically changed.
I can't believe I'm even in the program still, it is such a privilege and the Lord is so merciful.
Ive found a new love and passion for the people around me. I've realized that if I cant even have an effect on the people God has placed right in front of my face, if I can't choose them above myself then I'll have absolutely no effect on the people outside of my little church world. Reform starts right here, with me loving the people I already have. My love for God is measured by how much I can love His people.
Jesus has X-Ray vision, He told me Himself.
I have two new pairs of jammies from my wonderful host family and I'm wearing the polka dot ones right now.
Uh, so this is so embarrassing,but I think I'm starting to like cats. I know! Ive been a strict dog lover my whole life but I've met some cats recently that melted my cold dog heart.
Theres something to be said about real quiet time with God. I found Him in the quiet once, just laying down, not thinking, just being alive and He met me there. Somehow, in a way I cant describe, God changed me in that time. I started thinking thoughts I'd never thought before in a way I would never have thought them. It was like God took control of my mind. He cleared things out and made crooked paths straight and I came away different. Something in my mind was won that day.
The bible is actually really cool. It's fun! I love reading it. I've never had such a heart for God's word before like I do now.
So Christmas break is here and that's what I'm doing now. Pretty wild.
I would write more about all the revelations and failures and things I'm learning along this MC path but really I think I can sum it up with this mental picture. God holds my hand while I sleep and waits for me. When I open my eyes He looks upon me with joy and says, Oh there you are my love. His smile fills up the room. No matter how I went to bed feeling, whether I had made a terrible mistake, failed again, or just been hard hearted, God still reached for that tiny hand as I closed my eyes to sleep and waited for me. It took me awhile to realize that I didn't have to try and reach for His hand, I already had it in my own. He's always had me and He'll never let go. Every morning He's there, and so am I. "Oh there you are my love!" He says and as He smiles I return back, "Hi Dad." :)

Sicerely,
Jaelle the Daughter

To Grow

A small poem.

How about this time around

Before you get in trouble again

And forget who you are

And lose your head

And can't remember if you're alive or dead

Tell yourself

Command your soul

LET LOVE GROW.

Sometimes I feel like a lot of the trouble I bring on myself stems from forgetting this one truth: To let love grow. Truth is I NEED the Lord to grow His love in me if I want to make it. To let it bury so deep that it literally becomes entwined with everything that defines me. Or else I'll forget who I am and get stuck in a cycle of sin and mistakes that I'll never be able to break. But with that Holy, righteous love, growing steadily in me, God will be able to make me more than I am. That love can break all the patterns, all the same old, rusty chains that have been holding me back, all of my shame and make me NEW. All I have to do is say yes. Lord, LET LOVE GROW. Let it burn into my being and turn into ashes all that is not of You. Make a place in me that You can call home.

Sincerely,

Jaelle the Loved. 

Somewhere Beautiful

A few days ago I planned to go on a simple walk but instead got lost for two hours. It was a beautiful morning. The sun was sweet and the air had that crispy, smokey taste. I found the most fantastic tree to climb in on the edge of someone's property. I really pray that they didn't see me trapezing through the branches :) I just lost my feet for awhile and let myself wander. I was perfectly alone. perfectly happy to be on this little adventure and let me just say that the Lord met me there on that walk. I didn't say much. I thought a lot and prayed and just let God search me out. Eventually I sat down to read the bible for a little while. I finally finished getting through all of Psalms and Proverbs, something I had been trying to do for most of the summer! I meditated on the word then got back up to finish my walk. I enjoyed the sun and the presence of the Lord. It felt like I would never need anything else for awhile. Like I could drink of the beauty of that morning forever. When I finally got home I went upstairs and sat in my bed for awhile. Just drinking and singing and loving Jesus. Such perfection, such perfect peace. Mmm, just thought I'd share that moment with my faithful blog followers. God is good.

Sincerely,

Jaelle the Peaceful

All the Pieces

So I wrote this poem and it's kinda sad and romantic :) Don't worry I'm not going through this right now!  It just came to me. I feel like I've written down someone else's story, somebody else's tragedy.  It's about unrecognizeably giving yourself away to someone. Then when they're gone it's like life loses it's luster.  Anyways, I hope I've captured what I was trying to portray correctly.

All the Pieces

I think you knew that when you left

And took that train to nowhere

That you were taking something else

The singing in my shower

And right before you closed the door

And stepped inside the car

I saw you take another thing

The chords on my guitar

You stole the stars right from the sky

And all their wishes too

Looks like there'll never be a night

Quite like the ones we knew

Since you've been gone when I get up

Feels like I can't get warm

Without that smile to light the day

And carry me when there's a storm

But there is something else I know

The thing that makes this true

Something that I didn't think

That you would take with you

But when you gave that final glance

and looked into my eyes

And there was nothing left to say

Just pictures from another time

I saw that you were leaving

 With more then memories in part

No you were taking with you

All the pieces of my little heart

I am so glad that with Jesus I never have to deal with this kind of heartache. I get to save myself and my little heart till just the right one comes along. Thank you Lord that I get to be your bride with purity! I am so blessed to be born in the time that I am with people who understand what it means to be guarded and who want to guard me too. Oh Lord you are too good to me!

Sincerely,

Jaelle the Bride

Invisible Heroes

Some heroes are invisible in their good works. They silently make their way through the cracks in your life you didn't know were there and fill them up. It's only when they're gone ,and things feel incomplete, that you realize how much you were counting on their presence. The quiet peacekeepers, the ones that love you just because, the servants of all, they are heroes. I'm realizing as I'm moving on and things are changing just how many people have acted like silent heroes in my life. They pray for me without my asking, love on me, serve me from afar and expect nothing in return, not even praise or recognition. I want to be like these. Someone who just lives and loves and is who God made them. Someone who can be a hero without even trying, effortlessly effecting lives with a hug, a smile, a word of praise, or a listening ear. I want to be the kind of woman that is so full of the life of God that I give it off like candlelight. I want to be real. I want to be an invisible hero!


Sincerely,


Jaelle the Invisible

Through the Black

This is a short poem that I'm still working on but I like how it is so far. Please leave me your comments and criticism and let me know how I can improve :)

Through the Black

I will walk with You into the black

You'll have to keep my eyes from looking back

When I only want to take a glance

Just place inside my own Your steady hand

Grasp me tight and tell me of Your plans

Remind me how it feels to be romanced

And everything inside will learn to dance

As we walk together through the black

Free

Feels good right?

Son

I heard a son close the door
Took his feet to ground
No where now to be bound
Set his eyes on that dark, waiting shore

I saw him wrestle with thieves
Fell asleep under stars
That looked strangely like ours
Thought he was making a place were he could be free

I watched him gather up stones
Piled them up to the top
Made a fortress of rock
Told himself this looked somethin like home

I knew that look in his eyes
There were none who could keep
The fire of his feet
Or the stir of the heart under all of his guise.

I'll be here when he reaches the sea
Digs his toes in the sand
By the work of his hands
Made a lie of the man that he knew he could be

I waited till there was nothing but love

Told me he was cold

and ever so old

His cry made it's way to places above

I  heard a son come in from the shore

I smiled to his soul

And put love in his bones

And told him he'd always end up at my door


So this was a poem about someone I know who's still findin his way back to where he belongs. I know that no matter where he goes one day he'll end up back in God's arms. My heart has always been burdened for him and I'm praying that someday I'll see him come back home. God's waiting with love and grace and hope abundant, and so am I. 


Sincerely, 


Jaelle the Hopeful